Something Exciting!!

So it's been a long time. There is so much to share, I wouldn't even know where to start.

My main reason for signing into my blog was to go back and read all my old posts.

I have been given an amazing opportunity to share my testimony and the gospel at two events at Willingdon Church in Burnaby! I'll post the links below.

If you live in Vancouver and you are interested in coming to either one PLEASE let me know I'll set you up with tickets.

http://willingdon.org/content/womens-high-tea

http://willingdon.org/content/womens-ministry-2012-improv-night-outreach-event

I'm so blessed and humbled by this opportunity. If you think of it please pray for God to be glorified through my words, that the women will be encouraged and most importantly that people will hear the gospel for the first time and respond to God's grace!

I'm hoping that this post will also break my silence that has lasted way too long!

Jezebel

We all know the story of Jezebel, she is infamous for being the most evil woman in the Bible. I have never felt like I have anything in common with her, until yesterday. I have been reading through The Story by Randy Frazee, it is the Bible written like a novel would be. There are no embellishments or imagined addition. It is scripture with a few sections paraphrased to condense it. I was reading through the chapter on Elijah and his confrontations with King Ahab, Queen Jezebel and the priest of Baal. In description of Jezebel Randy wrote this, " Jezebel was not one to count her losses. When Ahab's own will to fight was exhausted, he could count on Jezebel to keep charging. Her will to win overcame any doubts she might have had about the failure at Mount Carmel."

This was unnerving for me! I have never through of Jezebel as someone I could relate to, until I read that statement. Not only do I know how competitive I am (will to win), but I also know how determind I can be to have my own way. Both theses personality traits of mine can push me past reason, the truth of the Word, and even at times, my own conscience. If I'm shamefully honest, I know that it can cause me to lie and be manipulative. Once I have made my mind up, I spend my time mulling over how to get what I want. I confess too, that the more my plan gets thwarted the more sullen and angry I become. It is childish really.

There are only two things that make me different from Jezebel. First off, I am not a queen, so I don't wheeled the power or the wealth she did. These things removed many limitations, allowing her to push further and further into her own self-absorbed will. She had pently of oppertunity to feed her ego, so it grew. The second and by far the most important, God has chosen me to be his; he saved me and is sanctifying me. He is slowly purging me of my selfish desires. If this wasn't the case I would be as sinful as Jezebel, stopping at nothing to get my way.

You might think detemination has two sides, bad and good. Couldn't all that effort be put to good use if channelled for furthering the kingdom of God? Well yes and no. This deep rooted stubbornness and "will to win" as a Christian, even if applied to godly desires, tends to flesh itself out in self-sufficiency. I am the queen of self-suffiancy. I spend so much time seeking my own glory, I constantly need reminding that there is nothing good in me, on my own. Nothing! Not even determination, "will to win" or white knuckle self control, things our world would admire. The only good in me comes from God, by his grace. This world applauds a fierce, confident, independent, motivated woman; I don't and neither does He. There can only be good in me if my heavenly Father put it there.

If you are like me, there is a little diva inside of you that is screaming at me right now. "No, that's not true! She is wrong! You're good, you're strong, you can do great things!" If you listen to her, she is concerned with one thing, you. That little diva is the little Jezebel I'm talking about. She needs to be put death. You can argue and reason with her, but she is set on one thing, her own glory. She is evil, silence her! Just how God did through Elijah, push her out of the window of her palace to her death, to be eaten by dogs.

"but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live." Romans 8:13

Instead, look to Jesus the founder and perfecter of your faith, Heb 12:2.

Relentless Patience

I just started the story of Moses this morning. God meets Moses through the burning bush, He calls himself "I AM WHO I AM" which is a whole other blog in itself (pretty crazy cool statement, I just love it!). Then I AM tells Moses, He is going to use him to free the Israelites from the oppression of the Egyptians. Moses is like, "Ummm, b-b-b-but God I'm not very good at t-t-t-talking, so you should probably find someone else." At that point, if I was God I would have smacked Moses upside the head. Moses you idiot, I just told you I AM WHO I AM!, isn't that enough for you? But God is far more patient that I am (thank God!). He does reprimand Moses though:

"Then the LORD said to him, "Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?" Exodus 4:11

Even after this Moses still insists God has the wrong guy for the job. The Lord is so patient with him. He even is so gracious as to give Moses his brother Aaron to do the public speaking for him. This shows me two things, God will accomplish His purpose no matter how rebellious His people are and God still uses us even though we don't believe Him like we should.

Think over the story of Moses as much as you can remember. God to did some insanely amazing things through Moses. There were the plagues, escape from Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea, the pillars of smoke and fire, the 10 commandments, the manna and quail, just to name a few. The same Moses screwed up, was stubborn, faithless and rebellious through out the whole journey to the promise land. How is that possible? Why would God use such a messed up guy? Yet He did and still does. It is almost like God prefers to use the weak... (that was kind of sarcastic, we know he does, 1 Cor 1:27)!

All this is very comforting to me as a stubborn woman who wants her own way and doesn't usually learn the first time around. I look at my life and think, wow, God has been very gracious to me. Yet so often choose to wallow in self pity because my life doesn't look the way I thought it would. Then I become even more frustrated with myself because of my lack of trust in God and how I am far more concerned with my own will than His. I seem to never quite get it. I feel like Moses, "but God I can't..." fill in the blank. Yet God is relentlessly patient with me. He is so gracious! He is so good. He will accomplish His purpose through me. Why? Because it is not about me, what I can or can't do. It is about HIM, what He is doing.

Jesus

I feel the need to share how I have been convicted twice now in the past few weeks.

The first time was when we were in Quebec City, the speaker was talking about gospel fluency and loving Jesus. He told a story about a young Christian guy in there community group who really enjoyed movies. A lady that came to there community group that was not a believer observed that he talked more about movies and was more passionate about sharing his opinion on them than he was about Jesus and the gospel. The speaker asked the question of us, "What would other people who know you say you are the most passionate about?" Yikes! I thought, for me I know it would not be Jesus, it would probably be fashion. Ouch. I let that thought go, but became painfully aware where most of my conversations went in the following weeks. Especially with women, it was shoes and hair and clothing. It was like God granted me a unique view on myself in conversation, I was observing myself externally. I was cut to the core. How is it possible that I am more passionate about fashion than Jesus! Jesus who dies for my sins, baring the wrath of God on Himself and giving me his perfect righteousness. Not because of anything I have done or could ever do, but simply because he loves me, and ultimately for His glory.

The second moment that drove the first conviction home was last night at the Church Planting BC banquet, a young apprentice was sharing the word with us and asked the question, "when the door is closed and the lights are off, where does your mind go first?" It breaks my heart and brings me to tears as I write to answer that question truthfully. My thoughts most often, when I am falling asleep at night, are what am I going to wear tomorrow and how will I do my hair! I so desperately wish I could tell you in all honesty I think of Jesus, but I don't!

So with a fresh understanding and reminder of how depraved I am in my flesh, I am humbled. I see myself and think how could He possibly love me? Chose me? Work through me? He is so patient, so gracious, so faithful, so kind and so good! I don't love Him, praise Him, honor Him, worship Him, speak of Him as I should, yet He remains the same towards me. He does not waver or hold back His love. He still pursues me, calls me, draws me and embraces me in is massive, loving fatherly arms!

As Paul says in Romans 7:24 & 25

"Wretched (wo)man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."

.... Romans 8:1-5

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit."

So sisters, please dare with me to ask yourself the same two question, everyday if necessary.

What do you talk about the most? What would other people say you are the most passionate about?

When the lights are off and the door is closed what is your first thought? Where does you mind go first when you are alone?

Sovereignty

As women, I believe it is absolutely vital that we have solid theology. It is easy enough to be content with the basics of the gospel. God create the earth, man sinned, Jesus the son of God was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, died for our sins, bore the wrath of God upon himself, rose from the dead, ascended to heaven and is coming again. This is very important to know and believe. But this is a skeleton. It brings you to a saving relationship with God the Father. We can't just stop there, leaving the deep stuff to the men. Should I care about the perfect sovereignty of God, the inerrancy of scripture, pineal substitutionary atonement, election, total depravity and so forth? Of course the answer is yes, yes, yes!

I believe it is essential to have a robust view of the meticulous sovereignty of God. Meaning God is in total control of everything and ordained every single detail of every single moment of history. Think of a rain drop, God is in control of where it falls, when it falls, at what speed and what quantity of water it contains. From the huge details, like the location of continents and World Wars, to small details like the color of your eyes, but also the seemingly unimportant details like how many leaves are on each tree in the whole world or when and how each ant dies. Allow your self a moment to think of all the biggest and smallest things that are occurring on this planet. Our Father God isn't only in control of each thing (as we discuses in the previous blog "Powerful") he actually planned every single detail before he created the earth.

How can we possibly deal with pain, suffering, sickness, death, poverty, infertility, betrayal and all of the hardships in life, if we don't believe in a God who is completely in control of every last detail?

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Phillipians 1:6

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

God had blessed me from a young age with a deep love for scripture which led me to see his meticulous sovereignty. If he had not blessed me with this understanding of him I honestly don't know what I would have done through out my husband's illnesses and times in the hospital. Sitting beside Matt in the hospital, totally powerless except for prayer, while he was weak and gripped with excruciating pain. During the times of having to go to bed at night while he was curled in pain up on the floor unable to eat or drink, but I had to go to work in the morning, so all I could do was pray as I fell asleep. Yet I had peace! Through countless hospital visits, all the complications, disappointments and frustrations. Yes, God blessed me with a peace that passes understanding, but I believe that peace was rooted in the understanding that we were in the center of our loving Fathers will, not only that but he planned every detail before there was time. And that ultimately it would work out for His glory. So if there was a moment of weakness or selfishness, it was only because I wanted my glory more than His.

1 Peter 5:10"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."

This is my favorite doxology,

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
"For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?"
"Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?"

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen." Romans 11:33-36

Powerful

"Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created."Revelations 4:11

God is powerful. Far beyond our understanding. He created everything. He merely spoke and everything that we know, and have not yet discovered, came in to existence. There was nothing, darkness and a void as Genesis says, and then there was everything. Because of his will he created. I can sit down and exert my will, every last ounce of it, but nothing will happen. I can try to speak things that are not into existence, but nothing will happen. Why? Because I am powerless, I am limited to only create from what God has already created.

The following verses are all in reference to Jesus.

Colossians 1:17 says. "And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

or Romans 11:36, "For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever. Amen."

Finally, Hebrews 1:3 "He is radiance of the glory of God and the imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power."

Of course, I can never say it better that the Word of God does, but what I can do is bring some of the scripture together to show you what is undeniable. One might picture God on his thrown in heaven, arms crossed peering down at earth every now and again to make sure we don't make a total mess of things. But scripture shows us that is completely incorrect, he is so utterly involved, he is constantly, unceasingly sustaining the earth! Not only did he create everything by his word, but it only continues to exist by his word, minute to minute, second to second. You only take your next breath because it is God's will to give it to you.

From the greatest miracle, to the tiniest detail, God is perpetually, willfully sustaining it all. God is carrying the earth in it's orbit and causing every single rotation. If he stopped we would lose gravity... then what? We can only try to imagine what chaos that would be.

No matter who we are or who long we have been a Christian, our view of God too small, in fact it is miniscule. That is not an insult, it is simply the truth. Our finite minds can not comprehend and infinite God. But that does not mean we shut off our brains and stop trying. On the contrary, it should inspire us to know every bit of Him we possibly can!

"... the mystery hidden for ages and generations but now revealed to his saints." Col 1:26 (Paul is referring to the Preeminence of Christ which he was speaking of in Col 1:15-21, a great read but too long to tackle in an already long post.)

As humans, in our rational minds we measure everything, time, distance, speed, age, sound, energy, mass and the list goes on. But we do not have a human measurement system to measure the power of God by. The thing is we should not use the word powerful to define God, on the contrary we should use God to define the word powerful. What I am trying to say is that in the same way we say, "God is love" instead of "God has love" which would mean it is in a measurable amount. We can say "God is power", and let all other powers be brought to scale using him as the standard.

I know this is already long, I may have lost some of you, but what is the point of all this if it doesn't change us? It is useless to know about God, the Pharisee's knew about God and we all know how JC felt about them! Better understanding the power of God should cause us to love him more, desire him more, dig more deeply into his word, long for his glory in our lives more, to trust him more and seek out His will our lives.

More

This morning as I was reading my Bible, Rev. 2:4 “But this I have against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.”, I realized that it has been a long time since I felt a deep surge of love and joy, in and for my Savior. As painful as this is to admit, I have been spiritually stagnant. I have been in this place for far too long. My heart has been too satisfied by finite things, earthly things, and selfish things. I find my tendency is to get caught up in everything other than knowing my heavenly Father more. But I came to the place this morning where I am not okay with it any longer. It is destressing to realize once again that I don’t love Him as I should, I don’t desire him as I should, I don’t fear Him, serve Him or find joy in Him as I should. I hate that. The disgust I feel with the state of my own heart is a gift from God for which I am thankful. The desire for deeper intimacy with him has filled me like a cup under a dripping faucet, one drop at a time until it finally spills over. I can’t be content any longer; I must have more of Him!

There is a split second of confusion… but how? Then I am flooded with gratefulness for the Word. I am so thankful that I know if I seek Him I will find (Matt 7:7 & Jer 29:13), if I ask for wisdom He will give it to me (James 1:5), if I wait on Him I will find rest for my soul (Matt 11:29), if I ask for more of the Spirit He will give it generously (Luke 11:13). Over the past few years I have grown in my reliance on God for my physical needs. I am blessed to say that most of the time my first reaction to a physical need, great or small, is to pray and ask my heavenly Father and then trust that he will provide. When I comes to my spiritual needs and growth I usually try to slug along in my own strength, acting like it is in my own hands. If I just try hard enough I can do it, right? But this always brings me to a place of exhaustion, frustration and even despair, down on my knees before my Savior. Not only is He the only one who can satisfy my spiritual needs, but He wants to bless me to over flow, to be brimming with His glory.

I am reminded of a great quote by C. S Lewis from his Book “The Weight of Glory”

“Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak.
We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

I definitely could not say it any better. I encourage you to ask yourself, “Am I too easily pleased?” What a wonderful, amazing God we serve. He is so far beyond our comprehension, so perfect and holy and yet he wants to be known by us! Jesus humbled Himself, even to death on a cross (Phil 2:8) to restore us to right relationship with the Father. So then, “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God; let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

Sisters, let us press in to know Him more. If you recognize that you don’t even desire Him the way you should, pray. Ask Him to give you a desire to know Him more, a desire to be consumed by Him. He will do it! Grab you Bible and your journal sit down, dig in and ask for more.