This morning as I was reading my Bible, Rev. 2:4 “But this I have against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.”, I realized that it has been a long time since I felt a deep surge of love and joy, in and for my Savior. As painful as this is to admit, I have been spiritually stagnant. I have been in this place for far too long. My heart has been too satisfied by finite things, earthly things, and selfish things. I find my tendency is to get caught up in everything other than knowing my heavenly Father more. But I came to the place this morning where I am not okay with it any longer. It is destressing to realize once again that I don’t love Him as I should, I don’t desire him as I should, I don’t fear Him, serve Him or find joy in Him as I should. I hate that. The disgust I feel with the state of my own heart is a gift from God for which I am thankful. The desire for deeper intimacy with him has filled me like a cup under a dripping faucet, one drop at a time until it finally spills over. I can’t be content any longer; I must have more of Him!
There is a split second of confusion… but how? Then I am flooded with gratefulness for the Word. I am so thankful that I know if I seek Him I will find (Matt 7:7 & Jer 29:13), if I ask for wisdom He will give it to me (James 1:5), if I wait on Him I will find rest for my soul (Matt 11:29), if I ask for more of the Spirit He will give it generously (Luke 11:13). Over the past few years I have grown in my reliance on God for my physical needs. I am blessed to say that most of the time my first reaction to a physical need, great or small, is to pray and ask my heavenly Father and then trust that he will provide. When I comes to my spiritual needs and growth I usually try to slug along in my own strength, acting like it is in my own hands. If I just try hard enough I can do it, right? But this always brings me to a place of exhaustion, frustration and even despair, down on my knees before my Savior. Not only is He the only one who can satisfy my spiritual needs, but He wants to bless me to over flow, to be brimming with His glory.
I am reminded of a great quote by C. S Lewis from his Book “The Weight of Glory”
“Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak.
We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
I definitely could not say it any better. I encourage you to ask yourself, “Am I too easily pleased?” What a wonderful, amazing God we serve. He is so far beyond our comprehension, so perfect and holy and yet he wants to be known by us! Jesus humbled Himself, even to death on a cross (Phil 2:8) to restore us to right relationship with the Father. So then, “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God; let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16
Sisters, let us press in to know Him more. If you recognize that you don’t even desire Him the way you should, pray. Ask Him to give you a desire to know Him more, a desire to be consumed by Him. He will do it! Grab you Bible and your journal sit down, dig in and ask for more.
