Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Greatest Gift & Reason to Rejoice!

"The Lord is my light and my strength, whom shall I fear? the Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" Ps 27:1

"Bless the Lord, O my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget not His benefits." Ps 103:1:2

It is so easy, and I so quickly shift into introspection, Turning my eyes on to myself and my circumstance is often times very bleak. Then trying to "buck up" and continue to be cheerful and pressing on. It gets exhausting really fast. Even praying from that place does not refresh in the same way. Everything remains gloomy, enjoyment of any sort never lasts long.

But turning my eyes to Jesus, filling my heart and mind with His wonderfulness, lifting my heart, lifting my voice and thoughts in praise and adoration, this frees me from the bondage of introspection. Truly feeling the greatness of God and allowing my heart to be moved to awe and wonder is the best and only remedy for self focused living (which end result is some form of depression.) There is nothing else we can do but look to Him! Thinking deeply on his glory and majesty, letting our hearts rejoice once again in the miracle that is Jesus Christ.

"He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us for our iniquities." Ps 103:10
We have not received what we deserve. God had mercy on us, furthermore, we have received what we do not deserve, salvation.
"The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." Ps 145:8
How great, how rich is that love! "That while we were still sinners Christ died for us." Rom 5:8
We were still enemies of God when Jesus Christ came down to earth, more humble than anyone has ever been, lived a sinless life and yet suffered as one who had sinned greatly. Not only did he suffer physically, but far worse, he took upon himself the wrath of God, which the Bible says was being stored up against us. He took the punishment that we deserved, so that we could become the righteousness of God. (2 Cor 5:2)
It doesn't matter who you are, or how difficult your life is right now, that is the greatest news anyone could ever hear, the greatest gift anyone could ever receive! That should give us reason to rejoice every single day!

"As high as the heavens above the earth, so great us his steadfast love toward those who fear him, as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." Ps 103:11

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Complications...

So we have had quite a few after surgery complications. My husband has spent 10 days and 9 nights in KGH spread out over a 4 week period. He just met with his surgeon this morning to schedule the take down (as they call it). Due to the intestines twisting and obstructions he will be having the take down 2 months sooner than planned. They like to give the internal pouch that they constructed at least 3 months to heal and before reconnecting the plumbing. But because he has been having so many issues that land him dehydrated, malnourished, in unbearable pain and in the ER, we want to try and stop that from happening. So surgery will either be this Thursday Dec 10th or next Thursday Dec 17th. Wow. I think I had an easier time with the first one, the thought of surgery again so soon makes my heart drop into my stomach. He has been through so much, he has not has a chance to regain any weight or even energy. To think of him having to fast again for another 3-5 days in not thrilling by any means.

No matter how many times you end up in the hospital there are parts that just don't get any easier. Yes, you figure out a schedule that works. You learn the best lunches and suppers to pack, you know how much money you need for parking during the week or on weekends. You get used to sleeping alone, and waking up alone. Making meals for one, how to stay some what entertained in the hospital. You learn to enjoy simple things, like a cup of coffee and a quite read at 6:00 the morning. But there are some things that you never get used to, like seeing the person you love more than anything in the world in so much pain they are crying, or vomiting, or seeing his slender frame pale in a baby blue hospital gown. You never get used to the feeling of helplessness. Even the smell of when you first walk in a hospital, it still makes my stomach turn a bit every time.

Anyway, the hope is that they will go in though the stoma opening (the place where the intestine is outside of his body) and reconnect everything, if the scar tissue that has been causing problems is located near the opening then they can cut it free and sew everything up, very small and relatively painlessly. But if the problem if further in and he has the same problems again after the reversal then they will have to re cut open the 12" incision they made to remove the colon originally, which means another long and painful recovery while the muscles have to heal all over again. We are praying that the latter option will not be the case. Please pray with me.
These are the requests:
The earlier surgery: so I can have my husband home and relatively functional for Christmas.
That the problem is located near the stoma: so that a simple less painful surgery will solve the problem.
That my dear husband will have physical strength as well as spiritual & emotional strength, through this exhausting process.
That I would be the encouraging supportive wife that God wants me to be physically, emotionally and spiritually strong. That I would not depend on my own strength but Gods!