Jesus

I feel the need to share how I have been convicted twice now in the past few weeks.

The first time was when we were in Quebec City, the speaker was talking about gospel fluency and loving Jesus. He told a story about a young Christian guy in there community group who really enjoyed movies. A lady that came to there community group that was not a believer observed that he talked more about movies and was more passionate about sharing his opinion on them than he was about Jesus and the gospel. The speaker asked the question of us, "What would other people who know you say you are the most passionate about?" Yikes! I thought, for me I know it would not be Jesus, it would probably be fashion. Ouch. I let that thought go, but became painfully aware where most of my conversations went in the following weeks. Especially with women, it was shoes and hair and clothing. It was like God granted me a unique view on myself in conversation, I was observing myself externally. I was cut to the core. How is it possible that I am more passionate about fashion than Jesus! Jesus who dies for my sins, baring the wrath of God on Himself and giving me his perfect righteousness. Not because of anything I have done or could ever do, but simply because he loves me, and ultimately for His glory.

The second moment that drove the first conviction home was last night at the Church Planting BC banquet, a young apprentice was sharing the word with us and asked the question, "when the door is closed and the lights are off, where does your mind go first?" It breaks my heart and brings me to tears as I write to answer that question truthfully. My thoughts most often, when I am falling asleep at night, are what am I going to wear tomorrow and how will I do my hair! I so desperately wish I could tell you in all honesty I think of Jesus, but I don't!

So with a fresh understanding and reminder of how depraved I am in my flesh, I am humbled. I see myself and think how could He possibly love me? Chose me? Work through me? He is so patient, so gracious, so faithful, so kind and so good! I don't love Him, praise Him, honor Him, worship Him, speak of Him as I should, yet He remains the same towards me. He does not waver or hold back His love. He still pursues me, calls me, draws me and embraces me in is massive, loving fatherly arms!

As Paul says in Romans 7:24 & 25

"Wretched (wo)man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."

.... Romans 8:1-5

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit."

So sisters, please dare with me to ask yourself the same two question, everyday if necessary.

What do you talk about the most? What would other people say you are the most passionate about?

When the lights are off and the door is closed what is your first thought? Where does you mind go first when you are alone?