Since getting married, each year has brought about considerable changes. Only 2 months after we celebrated our first anniversary Matt’s health had spiraled down to the point where he was skin and bones (literally!) laying in a hospital bed with TB, pneumonia and out of control ulcerative colitis. Matt had to leave his job, we moved out of our beloved first apartment and withdrew all our long term savings, losing half of them because of timing (2008 market crash) just to mention a few things that assailed us during that time. A month shy of a year later, seeking some stability for Matt’s unpredictable health we decided to have the malfunctioning colon removed, presenting a whole new plethora of daily challenges. After a roller coaster year to partial recovery we found ourselves packing up our stuff to move to Burnaby for Matt to start a one year pastoral internship at Willingdon Church.
The above paragraph barely scratches the surface of the first 3 years of our marriage. Looking over it in words, it seems so simplified, maybe it wasn’t that bad. But is was very hard, very messy, very testing and faith producing. Every hurdle, every challenge, every obstacle, every tear was an opportunity for God to show his faithfulness, his love and his grace in our lives.
To continue, thirteen months of health struggles, successes and huge job decisions has landed us were we are now; moving to East Van and starting a Church Planting apprenticeship. As we plan for the move that will be taking place in the next few weeks, I wonder, how long will this season last? How long will we be living in this basement suite or be at Reality for? We have said two years, but that is one year of being a part of the Church as a pastoral couple and then the next year (maybe less) will be preparing for our own plant. Will that be long enough to feel a sense of consistency?
I have always been the one to enjoy change, but now it is losing it’s luster. Maybe I am getting old. I am very excited for the up coming move and changes, but deep down there is a part of me that is just wanting to sink into a totally normal, predictable rhythm for at least one year. Completely void of emergency rooms, blood transfusions, life altering decisions and the like. There is definitely a conflict inside me between my enjoyment in change and my desire for regularity. I can’t figure out if there is somehow a right or wrong way to feel, considering they are opposites. Is it wrong to crave consistency even though God so clearly has me on a path of annual change? How much harder would it be to add child into the mix. I can only imagine my desire for consistency would deepen. I want to not only be okay with the changes, but have joy, rest in Him and flourish where ever He places me, no matter how volatile the situation is.
I feel like a field that is tilled every fall and planted with something new every season. Experiencing continual weeding, pruning and even uprooting. I know God is changing me, purifying me and making me the tiniest bit more like Him with every challenge, all for His glory and my good. No matter how “normal” my life might be He will not stop working on me. It is moments like this where I need to remind myself, this is not my home. It will never be. As comfortable as I try to make myself here I will always have an inward groaning for another place. The place I was created for, heaven.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
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