It has been 3 months, maybe longer since Matt and I started discussing my work situation and wondering if it would be best to change it. I like my job, but I'm not a career woman. I have always felt like a square peg in a round hole at my jobs and among the ladder climbing woman I have worked with. It has been the cause of many, many tears and frustrations for me. I can't seem to do the Christian-wife-full-time-work-housekeeper-cook thing and not drop the ball some where. Or if I'm not dropping the ball in an area, I'm on edge and totally stressed. Let's be honest when you drop the ball it is never my work that suffers, it is usually my time with God that whittles down to little or none. As the discussion began I was overwhelm with a feeling of failure. Why can't I keep it all together? It seems like other woman can do it, they make it look easy even. So why can't I?
Well first of all, who are those other women? Good question right. "They" are out there for all of us. Those women who seem to manage to do the thing we can't perfectly. They look perfect, have perfect clean house, adoring husbands, University degrees, great careers, perfect children, love Jesus, are serving at church, the whole bloody gambit! (They would never say bloody!) She has it all together, right? But who are they? Can you name one that you actually have a relationship with? I can't, but for some reason I still think "They" are out there, those perfect women. But "They" don't exist!
So after more tearful conversations, Matt and I decided I would quit my job and find part time work. Not so I could laze around, I'm not the lazing type. Actually I have the opposite problem, I would run myself ragged to make sure everything gets done. As we start at the new church something that is extremely imporant to us is community. I'm not talking about small groups, I mean living life together as a family. Having our home open to people. Inviting people into our lives to be discipled, loved and nurtured, both physically and spiritually. Working full time including my daily commute, being a good wife, staying on top of the house work and meals, not to mention nurturing my own relationship with God, leaves me no room to add anything. I know it is important to see my job as a blessing from God for the way it supports us financially and also I know my work is a mission field in itself, but The most precious commodity I have is time. I want to be investing my time in more things that are eternally valuable.
The morning I planned to give notice, driving in Matt said, "Wouldn't it be cool if they changed it to a part time position for you?" Yes, it would be cool, but it has always been a full time position, it needs to be. So I walked into my manager's office, letter in hand to let her know I was going to leave in a month. I let her know I like the job and was only leaving because I needed to be working part time. She said, "Would you stay if we could make it part time for you?", Ah YES! And that is what happened. She got it approved by the Executive Director. We hashed out a plan. I would start off with just Fridays off until they hired someone for our dept. that they have been looking for since she let someone go in March. Once that person was trained the two assistants in our dept. would each work a day at reception and I would work three!
Praise the Lord, only he could do that. He is so good, so faithful! He alone will be glorified on this earth and for eternity!
"Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20&21
To be continued...
I SO love this! I don't know ANY woman who is good at her career AND good at her home life. It might look that way, when her children are small and the nanny has them all washed and dressed nice, but fast forward 15 years down the road and the cracks start to show.
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for making your marriage, your walk w/ God and your home your priorities. You'll be blessed through this decision.
xoxo